Close my eyes. Lean back in my chair. As I tilt my head toward the ceiling, I try to picture myself somewhere else. I go to that place where I am supposed to be. Not here. Anywhere but here. Sometimes, that place is pure darkness- pure in its darkness because in that darkness, there are endless possibilities. My eyes squeeze shut until the muscles of my face twitch a little. I keep them closed hoping that one of those twitches might trigger a light to go on in my head. Maybe all I need is a small flame to reveal the answers that lie just beneath that blanket of darkness.
Ding…. I pop my eyes open wide to this bland reality. The same ceiling tiles I have counted over and over again for months are still there. They haven’t moved and neither have I… Ding…
Thank you for calling Consumer Pension, this is Julia. How can I help you?
Sitting in my cubicle, I listen to another young mother babble on about how she absolutely must cash out her retirement account. This is her money, and she wants it now. As I take in her information and prepare to wash away her retirement savings with a few clicks of my mouse, I doodle letters, words, and faces.
What’s this life for? I aimlessly wonder to myself for what seems like the hundredth time this week.